Expectations - a few thoughts!
Expectations give disappointments!
I've heard this manytimes and in many places!
mmm... Expectations! Expectations are logical derivations from the impression created by past experiences in a human mind. This is sometimes what we call knowledge... knowledge about somebody, something... mostly about the characteristics and behavior!
There are expectations everywhere... A manager is expected to control his team. A mom is expected to shower love on her child. A leader is expected to guide his followers. A friend is expected to stand by your side during trying times... even God is expected to love and protect all of us!
Expectations give rise to responsibilities. Responsibilities produce achievement and growth. Achievement and growth bloom to fulfillment and success! How important are expectations in our life!
Expectations are little tricky! They are formed from behaviors and they tend to shapeup/control the behavior inturn! Expectations are the base for code of conduct and duties! They may be universal- accepted by all. They may also be region specific, religion specific or even specific to individuals...
A mom might say "My child willnot do such a thing!" She is imposing a control on her child's actions... may be as simple as telling lies. She's trying to restrict her child from something that she considers incorrect.Even if the child is tempted to do that thing next time, it would refrain just to keep up to mom's expectations. For the child it is important to live to mom's expectation because it respects mom and her words!
Setting expectations implicitly controls the behavior of the other person. I've seen the general statement "This was expected of you" or even the "I know you will do like that" annoys many. It's again the judgement or stamping on the other's behavior that causes this discomfort. It interferes with their freedom.
The ground rule is that only if the other person respects our dominance or accepts our control over them will they tend to live upto our expectation. That inturn brings on us the duty to respect the other person's freedom and our limits while setting our expectations. If something is overlooked on this part, it is then that our expectations bring disappointments! Again, disappointments means either our perception was not right or we didnot pay attention to our limits!
posted by DD @ 4:16 AM
7 comments
7 Comments:
The chat was enough for this topic I guess!!..But still we can carry on, if need be!!!:-P...
Since the author of this post threatened me with dire consequences, through phone, I make this attendum to my earlier comment...
The expectations we have of an individual, is a function of the perceived closeness that we feel we have with that person, the limits of leiniancy we can take with that person(as rightly said by DD, as "Limits") and the acknowledgement of that assumption by the concerned person...in the sense, if the person with whom we have expectations, doesnt recognise our closeness to them or if they doesnt acknowledge our perception of relation, then the expectation would lead to disappointments...
For example, if the child questions the right of the mother to lay down rules, then whatever expectations the mother might have for the child, is not going to work...It is in the child's freedom to either accept to the demands of the mother or reject them..once it rejects the mother's preception, it is no longer bound by the mother's love, the closeness that the mother feels towards the child and the accompanying expectations....
Hope, I had commented enough to save my Life!!!..
As always, we tend to say the same thing albeit in different words!!!
Krish! Nice to see an elaborate comment from you on this. You are right... we fight to get to the same point most of the time! :-)
Btw, regarding "me threatening your life" for something from you... hmmm... I'm beginning to think it's a good idea I can make use of in future ;-)
I was just reminded of this seeing your first comment as I discussed over the fone... the Sun TV's "Top 10 movies" program which has a typical dialogue to skip a review/scene of some movies would say "Indha padatha patthi tevayana alavukku alasitadhunaala adutha idamaana -- idathai paarpom!"
Now donot give false impressions to people!
I am even remainded of that guys voice...imagining u with that voice...Gosh..it had been long since I saw u...n in future, there are many other possible threats than one at Life..example, u can call me for a lunch/dinner at your house...which would be slow death..U can call me sometime in phone...which would be prolonged death...Ufff..now I am leaving too many options for u I guess...enuf for now!!
Now now... I see you are having thanatophobia... I sincerely recommend you consulting a psychatrist or a life insurance agent... your hallucinations would definitely be useful for either of them! btw, donot forget to take a fat wallet ;-)
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