Thursday, January 26, 2006

Masked

I see through that veil of yours,
running down is a drop of tear!
Back then were my hands tied
My answer to you was just a void.

I see you again through that veil
You seem to look more than pale.
Now I offer you any help
You reject outright, hiding your self!

I know what I saw
There wasn't any flaw.
Yet I respect your dignity;
Your right to privacy.

I see you now, with that mask
' Was anything ever wrong ', I ask
Now, I smile along with you
for, I've masked myself too!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Into a thousand pieces!

A beautiful vase it was -
Absolutely made of glass;
When the sun shined,
Into a lovely rainbow, it smiled;
And when the night glided by
It mocked the star studded sky!

Shimmering and glittering all over
I could never find it any sober;
So was it, bright and gay
Be it night or the day.
It brought the universe into my room
So cherished it was, I never knew!

The smooth sides and the sharp edges -
The flowery mouth and the perfect wedges...
I filled it with bright red and orange flowers;
Flowers of hope - intended to be fresh and fragrant forever
I admired, cared and nurtured it for long;
I cradled it and ran my fingers along.

Then blew the wind of unexpectedness -
It brought the vase down into a thousand pieces!
On the floor lay the crushed glass - now just a trash
Causing the very memory of it's beauty, so very harsh;
My eyes spilled, playing perfectly it's part,
the tears from the very tear in my heart!



















Should I allow the mess and memories to clear?
or should I still hold it dear?
Would it give me the same pride as when it was new?
or would the pieces cut my fingers through?
I know not the answers to any of these -
All I know is, the vase is no more in one piece!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Yet another day?

The morning dawns and I feel the freshness in every breath. Every single ray of sun seems to be signs of hope. Hope to life; life as you expect to be. I feel I need company in celebrating this excitement... I switch on the radio immediately, one habit I had left long back since I left my hostel. I hear a beautiful melody... "Chukar mere manko..." Well, I dissolve with the music and the lyrics for those few moments, silently congratulating myself for sheer luck of not missing any bit of the song.

Whose voice is this, that I hear? "Hello Manju aunty!" It's Derius (excuse me for the spelling). One of the oldest, yet hottest RJ and undoubtedly my favorite! Howmany ever programs I used to listen I feel this person manages more elegantly, more naturally and more beautifully than anybody else hosting in Radiocity. You just can't stop laughing for the rest of the ad for his Top 8 at 8 show and finally your heart is not with you when he finishes "Ya baby!"

I run around for the rest of the day with office and house chores to find myself available for almost the end of Top 8 at 8... I've been missing this program too for quite a while. I hear a female voice, so familiar that it immediately rings a bell... it's Sunaina. Gosh! She's back after some 2-3 years!! And the same petty quarrels that she and Derius make to keep the show lively... Till the show ends, I feel myself back in time, in those days in my hostel, in my room, on my bed... and remember anything and everything related to that time! It's so good to indulge oneself in such luxuries... something you missed and surprisingly got back when you least expected! It was yet another day but with a difference- a mild smile on my face when I retire to sleep.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

A story, not so uncommon

An independant old house in the middle of the bustling city, but pretty isolated from the noise and dust of the crowd, sad in it's looks... the bricks showing at quite a few places and the wood worn out in the roof. The chill winter winds are rustling the dried leaves that cover the front of the house. A small dog of pomarenian breed, with a small bell tied to it's neck, runs out of the house chased by a small boy of around seven years. He is dressed in short pants and fullsleeves and there are giggles disturbing the otherwise silent place.

An old woman sits in the portico, close to the door, just right enough to have an eye on the outside. Her wrinkles are clearly seen in the day light when she is busy trying to makeout the letters from the local newspaper. She ofcourse has a pair of spectacles but havent quite found it useful for the past few months. She also has a hearing aid adding up as an extra layer to her tender ears. She has a very thin frame, almost sunk - timid and small into the rocking chair.

A voice resonates from inside the house. "Babloo... come and drink your milk" The boy still giggles and plays with the dog not minding his mother's call. The voice raises "Babloo! Did you finish your homework yet? Now, stop playing and come in." The boy looksup sensing the threat to his freedom and happiness and turns towards his granny. She was watching him closely and that is enough to tell him "Come to me, child!" He runs, hugs her and says "I'll finish the homework later, mom. I have one more day to go to school" The granny caresses him affectionately and says "Yes Neeta, let him play when he wants to. He has an entire day to do the other work, doesnt he" Her voice shivers and breaks in between due to the ripe age while she manages to shape up the words without her teeth. She hears back "Babloo... come inside....now!" She gives a sorry look to the boy and helplessly trying to console him, says "Why wouldnt you finish your homework and then play, beta? Then your mom wont say anything!" placing her hand in his cheeks. He tossess her hands off in anger and walks in. She could understand his anger. What she couldnot understand is the indifference that Neeta has been showing her.

She sinks into the chair rocking herself a little bit and fixing her eyes on the red post box tied to the white gates of her house. When she looks at me, I feel she looks beyond me. When I speak to her, she never seemed to have heard it. When I look at her and try to smile, I couldnt see a muscle move in her face. Neeta was not like this when she came to this house, wedded to Rahul, nine years ago. She was the sweetest girl I ever found and I have the same soft corner for her even now. What have I done that could have upset her? For the past couple of years, I have not got a straight response from her! At this point, a surge of anguish and frustration makes her pale cheeks turn pink. She closes her eyes to hide herself within her.

Babloo comes and wakes his granny...
"Granny, lunch is ready. Come, I'm hungry!"
"Oh dear, did I doze off?" she asks, surprised at herself. She smiles at the boy, a smile so radiant like a child's, for she now knows the boy has his anger gone and is back in her arms. Isnt it how it is supposed to be? Anger or disappointment dissolved with time?

It's around five-thirty in the evening and the granny is in her designated place, the rocking chair, still with the same news paper. A cute girl enters the gates and smiles at her but she seems to have trouble recognizing her.
"Who is this sweet girl?" saying so, she drags the kid a bit closer.
The kid says smilingly, "Granny, I'm Nimmi! You forgot?"
Nimmi's mother says "Just thought we would invite you neighbours for her birthday party tomorrow"
"Oh, how nice. Why dont you go in? Neeta is at home"
Neetha receives them in the hall.
"Aunty, tomorrow's my birthday. Will you come to wish me?"
"Oh, yes my dear... definitely!" Neeta smiles so elegantly and looks up at Nimmi's mother. "So, you are able to manage the party arrangements? Do tell me if we can do anything for you."
Nimmi's mother smiles appreciatively. "We have not finished with the arrangements quite yet.... So, can I count all four of you for the party?"
"Surely!" says Neeta, just realizing the count of four, hurrys to say "Well, granny wont be coming"
"Oh why not? I donot see her go out. She can come over atleast for a change"
"I wish. But what can she do but to sit there alone when we would be busy with arrangements?"
Seeing a slight disappointment in Nimmi's face and the unconvinced look on her mother's Neeta quickly adds "And her health is not quite good. Rahul will not allow her to strain herself"."Babloo doesnt have school tomorrow. We shall come over by morning and help you with the arrangements!" Neeta finishes with a kind tone.

Granny can listen to this from outside. Something was strange in Neeta's reply, or, was it all normal? She couldn't quite understand it wholly nor does she have any strength to try and think about it anymore. She decides to sleep early today.

It is next day morning. The sun is bright and morning light fills the whole house with vibrance. Granny is back on her chair in the verandah, looking at the trembling leaves and smiling at the chirping birds. There is she and the house, left all to themselves. Suddenly it all dawns on her.... that which has been troubling her for all this while.


"What 'can' she do?" - Is that it? The reason for all this indifference? All these days? The way she has been treating me... as if I am dead already when I'm still breathing? The unbiased impartial unconcern for something (someone) that is totally useless to her? What more pain and humiliation can anyone give me than this? Is there no value for all the love and care I showered on them? Is there no importance in my existence to any one, any more? Where is all my dignity gone all of a sudden? Am I... really dead?


She couldnot cry. She couldn't swallow or say a word. There is a numbness she is feeling through out her body - when she's deliberately trying to resist what she is feeling.... trying to be indifferent to herself, when she had just realized, rather, heared it all. Everything blacks-out when she closes her dry aching eyes. She could no more feel the sun or the birds. She is looking all the more tiny in that chair than ever and the house, all the more mournful!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

When CPda came...

Just wanted to record this before it dissolves in time. CPda's visit this time was too short - not more than 3 hours of chat and lunch we had together... ofcourse, given the understanding that he had so many things to do in the shortest span he had got. So sweet of CPda to bring us chocolates, dolls and short wine glasses (that were not more than 4 cms in height) and Biju's wine bottle all the way from Cyprus! Fortunately for me, he came straight to my house. There are some advantages with breaking one's ankle, you see! And I made the terrible mistake of inviting Skely over, before CP came. Otherwise I would have happily taken the entire pack of chocolates without much noise! When I took the big pack of Toblerone CP was shouting "Un attooliyathukku oru alave illaya?" accompanied by a deadly stare from skely, I had to compromise with just one piece :(

So there was CPda's bag full of gifts and he was looking like a Santa Clause who came a bit later than Christmas! I never really minded the "later" part though! I was digging into his bag in search of something that interested me when he was screaming at me telling not to touch the wine bottle as it was exclusively for Biju! How more selfish can anyone get? Not that I'm in a habit of drinking or anything... it's just not good manners to tell someone that something you have got is not for them! Then my hands lay on a soft toy...the "Spring Giraffee!" I liked it instantly and I was about to say I'm going to take that, just in time when CP said "DD you take that, I bought it for you!" How sweet of you, CP!!

Then we three were sitting and chatting till Dada got himself decent enough to come out of his house and join us at "Friends" (a near by restraunt). So, the lunch was done interspersed with gossips and laughter. We all were telling CP that he has gotten a few inches added to his height but he was determined not to believe us for some mysterious reason!

So all those who were with us in India and who have gone abroad for work or studies, next time you people come to India, you are supposed to follow the basic code of ethics of getting people in India, atleast people like me who havenot travelled abroad at all, some gift... well, any gift from soft toys to chocolates to perfume to anything that comes to your mind! Next time I hope I donot have to bug-threaten-get gifts from you ;)

To meetup with friends, especially after long is like a long awaited drizzle... But this wets the mind and heart for longer time than just a drizzle!

A post after long

Why was I suddenly into the invisible mode in my blog? No prizes for correct guesses. Because, simply because, of tons of office work!!! I seriously doubt that someone should have (mis)informed my manager that I've been doing all sorts of timepass activities here and that's why he decided to test my dedication to work by assigning me in two projects in addition to an internal work that never gets counted! Phew!! That was hectic...well, HECTIC (hope that sounded appropriate)!!

No, I've not become a workaholic yet. Shhhhhh....I was doing something else apart from office work! I got this book "Yes Prime Minister" from the library. Heared about this book from Krish actually. Krish, you listening (er...reading) this? I'm almost half way through the book now.

One page you sit and read and you are thoroughly relaxed with the entertainment it floods you with. The play with words, the interpretations and misinterpretations, the politics, the plots and the people... it's so damn real practical humor! Here's a bit of the dialogue for you if you haven't come across it yet:

...
BW:"Prime Minister, I do know the Foreign Office always keeps everything from everybody"
JH:"So who would know?"
BW:"May I just clarify the question? You're asking who would know, what it is that I don't know and you don't know but the Foreign Office know that they know, that they are keeping from you so that you don't know but they do know, and all we know is that there is something we don't know and we want to know but we don't know what because we don't know. Is that it?"
JH:"May I clarify the question? Who knows Foreign Office secrets apart from the Foreign Office?"
...

Hmmm.... Wish I could speak like that sometime and see the expressions I get in return! What a thrilling thing to do, seriously! :D

Thursday, January 05, 2006

My first day @ Music class

Heyya!! I've joined the carnatic music class finally. Well, if you rightly remember, I wanted to takeup Flute this year. But I didnt find a teacher or actually I did find 2 of them around my area, but both had stopped taking classes due to some personal reasons :( I blame it on my hard luck! So, I decided to improve my natural gift - my own voice! hehehe ;)

I peeped in hesitantly into the teacher's house where I find 4 students already singing - one in III class, one in VI I believe, other two were IT professionals around my age- one a gentleman and another was a lady. This cute young girl in III standard (her name is Shubha) is quite naughty. She said, "Uncle, today I want to listen to you singing in high pitch!" His voice was quite a base voice actually and I understood the prank. Did I hear her properly? Ofcourse! She was teasing him like anything and he was trying to escape anything directed from her. 'If this was the condition to some person already in the group, what will happen to a fresher like me', I was contemplating. She was a year senior to me there! :O

The teacher was always in smiles interspersed with false anger whenever the students didnot doing their homework or were making mistakes! I was sitting there, trying to get used to the feel of the place and the people over there, quietly listening, until all of my seniors had finished their practise. Then it was my turn! The teacher said, "Now, repeat what I'm singing. I want to check your voice." It was as if I had entered some interview or exam hall... a sudden heaviness in my heart and shivering in my voice when I heard myself echoing alone in the room. She said "Your voice is very good!" I was relaxed, not to mention I was self impressed too ;)

There was another important person in the hall- the teacher's mom, I think. The paati (grandma, around 80-85 years) was asking me what I was doing, where I was working and stuff, in typical paati's chatting style. She managed to converse very well in English and I presume it gave her some sort of pride in doing so. When I was about to leave, she was pointing at me and told her daughter "beautiful countenance." The teacher was giving a blank look, so did I. Now the paati was quick to ask "Do you know what is countenance?" The teacher said "no", to which the paati smiled with all pride and said "face". The teacher turned to me with a "too much!" kinda smile with raised eyebrows! The paati was such a cute darling, believe me!!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Discovered something nice!

I've been using Gmail for quite a few months now but this is the first time I ever opened the Trash or Spam folders. And there is something interesting I found today! Have you noticed the Web Clips that appear whenever Inbox is opened? To spot it exactly, you can find it just above the buttons & "More Actions" drop down. You can even set the preferences of these RSS feeds in your Gmail Settings.

But there is something different with Trash and Spam folders. Trash has "Recycling Facts" listed out there and Spam has "Spam Recipies" both of which I found as really cool! And the Sponsored links section that hangs towards your right is another thing worth noting- AdSense! Depending on the core topic of your message, the links are listed. The list changes with every message you open! And all that in lightning speed :) Way to go, gooooogle!

I found this very cool site when I stumbled on exactly this part of it!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Did we ever think of this!

I stumbled upon this site which lists a 100 tips to be a successful Evil Overlord! Here are a few that made me go rolling with laughter... :))

# When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought, I'll shoot him and then say "No."

# One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

# The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

# Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

# I will hire a fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legion of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

# I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

# When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys that happens to follow him around.

# I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him and say "And here is the price for failure." then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

# I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

# My Legion of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

# If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

# If I must have a computer system with publicly available terminals, the maps they display will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

# I will not tell my Legion of Terror "And he must be taken alive-" the command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonable practical."

# If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

# I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 stones of power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more alone the lines of "Push the button/"

# Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free, unlimited internet access.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

The 2006 Kickoff!

Any festival or celebration, for the last few years, has had me sitting in front of the TV, watching all the special programs, surfing channels and passing time from home. But, this new year, for a change, had me on the move the whole day!

My brother had planned to go to the big Shiva temple in Thiruvannamalai with his friends. I had been there once, when I had gone on a school trip - some time in high school. It's been many months already, since we as a family, went on a trip like this. With my dad too showing interest in joining the journey, we two squeezed in. So, we quickly finished our breakfast by 9.00 and set out in our car. The place as roughly 3 hours drive from my place. It was mostly enjoyable but for the potholes and bad roads that showed up in between.

We reached the temple at 12pm praying that it should be open atleast till we have the darshan. I heard the natives saying "I had not expected this much crowd in the middle of the day!" A huge crowd and long queue received us at the entrance. With my endangered foot, I was not sure whether to go inside or to return back. "Return back? We came all the way to just return back?" was pricking at the back of my mind. So, before I could decide, I found myself already in a sea of humans - surrounded by all those who arrived after us... leaving no chance to think of returning back now!

So we were there, kaal kadukka (with legs paining) standing in the long queue, with chill margazhi (winter) breeze ruffling our clothes every now and then, and we, trying all possible conversations and distractions to push the time. It was not before some 2.5 to 3 hours that we could get the darshan which lasted for 3-4 seconds! But it was worth the wait. The shivalinga had Vibhoodi alankaaram (sacred ash decoration) and was looking awesome!

After visiting other shrines we finally came out just in time to meet one of our friends, who dragged us along to his house for lunch. With everybody's stomach growling with hunger at 4pm, we were so much grateful for the tasty homefood! mmMmm!
By the time we returned, I had just enough time to call up few people to wish for the new year and pack up for my trip back to bangalore! Hope the year too is as eventful and memorable as the start of it!